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How Effective a
Listener Are YOU?
I used to
work retail before I came to Adlandpro and I can't tell you
how many times the phone rang, I would answer with "Good
Afternoon, XYZ Video, Mike speaking. How can I help
you?" and the reply on the other end would be "Hi, is this
XYZ Video?" The name of the company has been changed
to protect their identity. On the opposite site of the
coin there were instances
of salespeople who were so desperate or driven to get a sale
that after a customer asked a question, the salesperson's
answer would be so far off from what the customer had
originally asked because they were too busy formulating a
way to close the sale.
When it comes
to communication your brain has 3 modes.
Receiving Information, Processing Information, and
Communicating Information. The catch is that only one
mode can effectively be engaged at a time. If you are
communicating,
you cannot receive or process what someone is saying to you at the
same time. If you are in the process of trying to
understand what was just been said while trying to speak,
chances are you'll either misunderstand the message or end
up communicating your message improperly.
These 3 modes, when used in proper sequence without overlap
will enhance your ability to communicate.
Communicate your idea, receive a response,
understand/process the information, then repeat the cycle.
This is true
even for written communication. Email is frequently
used as a means of communication between people. Take
an example where someone has just sent you an email which
makes you angry. Before even finishing the message you
hit the reply button and start giving the sender a piece of
your mind. Already, two of the 3 modes have overlapped
and your email's effectiveness will be reduced. Not to
mention the fact that you may have missed a crucial point in
the last couple of paragraphs which could have given the
email a whole new meaning.
If you've
ever communicated with someone like this, I'm sure you're
well aware of the anger and frustration that accompanies the
conversation. The solution is simple.
Anytime you
communicate whether it be verbally or written, sign-language
or Braille, whatever the method, try this:
-
Listen
intently to what the other person is saying and wait for
them to complete what they're trying to say.
-
After
they've finished saying what they have to say, count
"one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand" and then start
thinking about what they've said.
-
When
you're confident of your answer, inhale and then begin
your reply.
Keep in mind
that the other person may not use the same
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"The BLACK HOLE Of Internet Marketing"
By Jo McNamara
You can’t wait to get up in the morning to get on the computer. You devour
ezines. You can’t learn enough in a day. When you’re not on the computer, your
mind is composing headlines and ad copy; material for articles. Each evening you
reluctantly turn off the computer or maybe you’re still happily at it until the
wee hours of the morning.
Then one day it happens...you get out of bed and the thought of getting near the
computer makes your stomach queasy. You begin thinking maybe you should get that
root canal your dentist has been bugging you about for the last six months. Gee,
wasn’t my carpet beige at one time,
not gray? Maybe I should clean house; mow the yard; do my 2000 taxes.
Anything...anything...but get on the computer.
My friend, you’ve fallen into the "Black Hole" of Internet marketing. It’s a
place where you are totally apathetic about online promotion; you just don’t
want to have anything to do with it.
The first time it happened to me, I had just returned from a tranquil week in
the mountains of Tennessee. I thought I would return to my computer with a huge
appetite for marketing. To my surprise and dismay, I just didn’t want to get
back on the computer and my routine of spending 10-12 hours a day doing all the
things we do.
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I came out of that period realizing that I
needed to moderate my time on the computer and to do that; I would need to start
working smarter, not harder. So the "Black Hole" episode wasn’t a bad thing. I
learned from it.
I think anyone who is passionate (obsessive?) about Net marketing goes through
this in varying degrees. And everyone deals with it differently. Some are able
to "bully" their way through these
episodes. That doesn’t work for me because then marketing becomes something I
HAVE to do instead of something I WANT to do.
I have fallen into the "Black Hole" a few more times and have no doubt I will
again in the future. This is how I have learned to get through it:
1. I subscribe to 125+ ezines. I receive the majority of them in several
different HotMail accounts so I don’t overload my main email account. I will set
my HotMail accounts up not to receive and
automatically delete any incoming mail. This prevents bouncebacks and I won’t
lose my subscriptions. I know I’m going through a temporary phase and when I get
through it, I can open my accounts back up.
2. I go to the library and check out a bunch of books. For me, the more Stephen
King and John Grisham, the better. I spend my afternoons with my butt firmly
planted on the couch
(one cat on my chest and one on my legs) with a bag of potato chips within easy
reach.
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3. I give my house what I call a "5-star" cleaning. Now you have to understand I
HATE housework. Hated it when I was a kid and woke up every Saturday to my
mother yelling, "Jo Ann, time to get up. We have a lot of cleaning to do."
Please, just shoot me now! As I get older, my distaste for housework only
increases. But it’s one of those things I need to do just so I can shut up that
"nag voice" in my head.
4. And speaking of "nag voices," I take care of all those trivial things that I
have been putting off doing. I find this is important because it seems to clear
my head. Shutting up the "nag voices"
is like taking out mental garbage.
Basically, I’m telling myself it’s okay to feel the way I’m feeling...apathetic,
disinterested, turned-off, tuned-out.
After a while, I start feeling there’s a void in my life. I miss writing; my
brain starts to hunger for knowledge again; I’m feeling aimless and bored.
Then I know it’s time to ease back into Internet marketing.
I start by opening up a few of my HotMail accounts. Not all of them because I
don’t want to feel overwhelmed. I allow myself one hour a day to read ezines and
study ads. After a while, I’ll allow myself one hour in the morning and one hour
in the afternoon to read and study. Gradually, I open all my accounts back up.
Before I know it, I’m getting excited again. Words are flowing; ideas are
bumping around in my head.
She’s B-A-C-K!!!
For me, I think the "Black Hole" periods are good. I return to Internet
marketing refreshed and energized. I’m grateful once again for the return of
passion. No longer stale, I can clearly see flaws
previously overlooked and come up with fresh ideas.
Sometimes we are so deeply involved with our life within the computer; we lose
our sense of perspective. We think we are learning, but we’re just reading
words. Our brain is overloaded and nothing is sticking. We just do the "same
old, same old" and wonder why we’re not getting anywhere.
I think the "Black Hole" is our mind’s way of saying, "Hey, ease up! Ya know,
there’s a whole nother world outside of that monitor. I’m going on strike until
you give me a break!"
I have come to understand that for me, I live in two worlds; one is CyperSpace
and the other is the physical world. I have friends and loved ones in both
worlds; I make money in both worlds; I am passionate about both worlds.
I think the key is to try to find the right formula so that the two worlds can
co-exist in harmony.
Every time I come out of a "Black Hole," I get a bit closer to finding that
formula.
So don’t panic when you fall in the "Black Hole." Just listen to that quiet,
still voice inside. It will guide you through it. And when you come out to the
other side, I think you’ll be smarter
for the experience. Certainly you’ll appreciate the return of renewed passion
and excitement.
"This, indeed, is one of the eternal paradoxes of both life and literature--that
without passion little gets done; yet, without control of that passion, its
effects are largely ill or null." F.L. Lucas
About the Author
Jo McNamara lives in Orlando, FL with 8 cats
and 1 husband.
You may receive other articles written by Jo at:
mailto:articles_jomc@sendfree.com
"I wish I’d found the Internet Marketing Success Arsenal
when I first started out...I would have saved myself countless,
wasted hours and more money than I care to think about!"
http://www.what-works-online.net
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Listening Effectively
Copyright 2007 Linda Talley Only 7% of
what we say is verbal! The other 93% is nonverbal! How do you think Dr. Phil got
his start? Reading the nonverbal communication of prospective jurors as a jury
consultant. And that's why he's not afraid to call someone on a lie on his
program! He's reading their body language--their nonverbal communication! And
Dr. Phil knows he's right because your body language says so much more than you
ever will!
Verbal, written or even sign language talks to "content." You're just listening
to the words and that's it! Nothing else enters the picture. This is probably
one of the biggest issues with married people. The wife might say, "You never
listen to me." The husband says, "Of course I do!" and continues reading the
paper. The wife probably wants to see body language from her husband that says,
"I am here for you; you are very important to me; I will always take the time to
be here for you." If he's reading the paper, he's not communicating this to her
in a way
she can see and understand.
If you're in sales or have any projects where you have to "sell" someone on
something, do you know what your body language is saying to the other person?
Try selling something to someone without saying a word! You might say it's
impossible but it's not. You probably do more selling with nonverbal
communication than you do with verbal. Remember that song about "you say so much
when you say nothing at all." Well, that singer/writer was right!
Think of a time when you were feeling upset, frustrated, angry and someone came
up to you and asked if you were doing OK. You probably said YES but your body
language said NO! Which communication do you think they're going to believe?
Scientists have proven that whenever there is a conflict between verbal and
nonverbal communication, we tend to put a question mark by the verbal
communication and believe the nonverbal communication.You probably don't even
think about doing that but that's exactly what you're doing!
Body language has gone underground. In other words, we don't even think about
it. We just do it. It has become subconscious behavior to us and when someone
points our body language out to us, we seem surprised. When I work with people
on body language and point out the different "language" that they are using,
they might try to justify their actions if they were sending out defensive
signals or congratulate themselves if they were using positive signals. The
trick is to know what your body language says about you and what another
person's body language says about them. It's the same behavior or actions we
tend to react or resist in other people and not even notice in ourselves.
You all have probably experienced stress at one time or another in your life.
You might even be experiencing it now as a reaction to this article. Stressed
out people have very definite body language. I can spot you a mile away. Other
people
can too, they just might not know why they are having a reaction to you (your
stress!). Look at people around you (at home or at work). If they're eyebrows
are raised, their shoulders scrunched up around their ears, the hand clenched -
chances are they're stressed out about something. If you're having a meeting
with them and don't recognize their body language then the meeting might get
tenser because you might mirror their body language and get stressed out
yourself. It's not healthy for you and it creates a lot of tension, turmoil,
confrontations, frustrations and disagreements - all because you didn't read and
respond to their nonverbal communication. They subconsciously sucked you into
their net of stress, worry and upset and THEY GOT YOU!
Now, what about you? Did you know that most Americans hold their stress in the
upper part of their body? And because we do, people can read us so easily.
Consider the signs I mentioned in the last paragraph. People can "pick" up on us
so easily just as we can pick up on them! We like to be in proximity to other
people because we can read them as they can read us! I had a marketing
consultant that wanted to become a coach. Her biggest goal was to stop traveling
so much and at the same time her biggest challenge was to take up telephone
coaching where she wasn't in the presence of her clients. She didn't believe she
could figure out what was going on because she couldn't "see"
the other person or in fact, read the other person's body language. Body
language is that powerful. Because it's that powerful, everyone should be
familiar with it and understand the positive and defensive postures. When you
do, you understand what's really going on with the people around you - either at
work or in your personal life - because we all, at some time or the other speak
in double messages.
It's important to understand double messages, which we hear/see all the time.
Why? Because whenever we receive a double message, we tend to put a question
mark behind the spoken message and believe the unspoken message. I've said this
before and I want to re-emphasize it again! Double messages make us incongruent.
How do adults learn best? When they are in a congruent environment. If you're
going to be effective, learn the 2 most
important languages: the spoken and the unspoken word.
(c) 2005, Linda Talley. All rights reserved.
Linda Talley is a Houston-based business coach, speaker and author of Business
Finesse: Dealing With Sticky Situations in the Workplace for Managers and The
Daily Win-Building Success One Step at a Time. Sign up for her free
e-newsletter, ASK THE COACH
by emailing us at linda@lindatalley.com,
online at
http://www.lindatalley.com or at
713-668-9659.
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