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 Adland Digest FREE Edition #537
  Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Information Your Business Needs RIGHT NOW

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How Effective a Listener Are YOU? 

I used to work retail before I came to Adlandpro and I can't tell you how many times the phone rang, I would answer with "Good Afternoon, XYZ Video, Mike speaking.  How can I help you?" and the reply on the other end would be "Hi, is this XYZ Video?"  The name of the company has been changed to protect their identity.  On the opposite site of the coin there were instances of salespeople who were so desperate or driven to get a sale that after a customer asked a question, the salesperson's answer would be so far off from what the customer had originally asked because they were too busy formulating a way to close the sale. 

When it comes to communication your brain has 3 modes.  Receiving Information, Processing Information, and Communicating Information.  The catch is that only one mode can effectively be engaged at a time.  If you are communicating, you cannot receive or process what someone is saying to you at the same time.  If you are in the process of trying to understand what was just been said while trying to speak, chances are you'll either misunderstand the message or end up communicating your message improperly.  These 3 modes, when used in proper sequence without overlap will enhance your ability to communicate.  Communicate your idea, receive a response, understand/process the information, then repeat the cycle. 

This is true even for written communication.  Email is frequently used as a means of communication between people.  Take an example where someone has just sent you an email which makes you angry.  Before even finishing the message you hit the reply button and start giving the sender a piece of your mind.  Already, two of the 3 modes have overlapped and your email's effectiveness will be reduced.  Not to mention the fact that you may have missed a crucial point in the last couple of paragraphs which could have given the email a whole new meaning. 

If you've ever communicated with someone like this, I'm sure you're well aware of the anger and frustration that accompanies the conversation.  The solution is simple.

Anytime you communicate whether it be verbally or written, sign-language or Braille, whatever the method, try this:

  1. Listen intently to what the other person is saying and wait for them to complete what they're trying to say. 

  2. After they've finished saying what they have to say, count "one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand" and then start thinking about what they've said. 

  3. When you're confident of your answer, inhale and then begin your reply. 

Keep in mind that the other person may not use the same

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"The BLACK HOLE Of Internet Marketing"
By Jo McNamara

You canít wait to get up in the morning to get on the computer. You devour ezines. You canít learn enough in a day. When youíre not on the computer, your mind is composing headlines and ad copy; material for articles. Each evening you reluctantly turn off the computer or maybe youíre still happily at it until the wee hours of the morning.

Then one day it happens...you get out of bed and the thought of getting near the computer makes your stomach queasy. You begin thinking maybe you should get that root canal your dentist has been bugging you about for the last six months. Gee, wasnít my carpet beige at one time,
not gray? Maybe I should clean house; mow the yard; do my 2000 taxes. Anything...anything...but get on the computer.

My friend, youíve fallen into the "Black Hole" of Internet marketing. Itís a place where you are totally apathetic about online promotion; you just donít want to have anything to do with it.

The first time it happened to me, I had just returned from a tranquil week in the mountains of Tennessee. I thought I would return to my computer with a huge appetite for marketing. To my surprise and dismay, I just didnít want to get back on the computer and my routine of spending 10-12 hours a day doing all the things we do.
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I came out of that period realizing that I needed to moderate my time on the computer and to do that; I would need to start working smarter, not harder. So the "Black Hole" episode wasnít a bad thing. I learned from it.

I think anyone who is passionate (obsessive?) about Net marketing goes through this in varying degrees. And everyone deals with it differently. Some are able to "bully" their way through these
episodes. That doesnít work for me because then marketing becomes something I HAVE to do instead of something I WANT to do.

I have fallen into the "Black Hole" a few more times and have no doubt I will again in the future. This is how I have learned to get through it:

1. I subscribe to 125+ ezines. I receive the majority of them in several different HotMail accounts so I donít overload my main email account. I will set my HotMail accounts up not to receive and
automatically delete any incoming mail. This prevents bouncebacks and I wonít lose my subscriptions. I know Iím going through a temporary phase and when I get through it, I can open my accounts back up.

2. I go to the library and check out a bunch of books. For me, the more Stephen King and John Grisham, the better. I spend my afternoons with my butt firmly planted on the couch
(one cat on my chest and one on my legs) with a bag of potato chips within easy reach.

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3. I give my house what I call a "5-star" cleaning. Now you have to understand I HATE housework. Hated it when I was a kid and woke up every Saturday to my mother yelling, "Jo Ann, time to get up. We have a lot of cleaning to do." Please, just shoot me now! As I get older, my distaste for housework only increases. But itís one of those things I need to do just so I can shut up that
"nag voice" in my head.

4. And speaking of "nag voices," I take care of all those trivial things that I have been putting off doing. I find this is important because it seems to clear my head. Shutting up the "nag voices"
is like taking out mental garbage.

Basically, Iím telling myself itís okay to feel the way Iím feeling...apathetic, disinterested, turned-off, tuned-out.

After a while, I start feeling thereís a void in my life. I miss writing; my brain starts to hunger for knowledge again; Iím feeling aimless and bored.

Then I know itís time to ease back into Internet marketing.

I start by opening up a few of my HotMail accounts. Not all of them because I donít want to feel overwhelmed. I allow myself one hour a day to read ezines and study ads. After a while, Iíll allow myself one hour in the morning and one hour in the afternoon to read and study. Gradually, I open all my accounts back up.

Before I know it, Iím getting excited again. Words are flowing; ideas are bumping around in my head.

Sheís B-A-C-K!!!

For me, I think the "Black Hole" periods are good. I return to Internet marketing refreshed and energized. Iím grateful once again for the return of passion. No longer stale, I can clearly see flaws
previously overlooked and come up with fresh ideas.

Sometimes we are so deeply involved with our life within the computer; we lose our sense of perspective. We think we are learning, but weíre just reading words. Our brain is overloaded and nothing is sticking. We just do the "same old, same old" and wonder why weíre not getting anywhere.

I think the "Black Hole" is our mindís way of saying, "Hey, ease up! Ya know, thereís a whole nother world outside of that monitor. Iím going on strike until you give me a break!"

I have come to understand that for me, I live in two worlds; one is CyperSpace and the other is the physical world. I have friends and loved ones in both worlds; I make money in both worlds; I am passionate about both worlds.

I think the key is to try to find the right formula so that the two worlds can co-exist in harmony.

Every time I come out of a "Black Hole," I get a bit closer to finding that formula.

So donít panic when you fall in the "Black Hole." Just listen to that quiet, still voice inside. It will guide you through it. And when you come out to the other side, I think youíll be smarter
for the experience. Certainly youíll appreciate the return of renewed passion and excitement.

"This, indeed, is one of the eternal paradoxes of both life and literature--that without passion little gets done; yet, without control of that passion, its effects are largely ill or null." F.L. Lucas

About the Author

Jo McNamara lives in Orlando, FL with 8 cats and 1 husband.
You may receive other articles written by Jo at:
"I wish Iíd found the Internet Marketing Success Arsenal
when I first started out...I would have saved myself countless,
wasted hours and more money than I care to think about!"

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Listening Effectively
Copyright 2007 Linda Talley

Only 7% of what we say is verbal! The other 93% is nonverbal! How do you think Dr. Phil got his start? Reading the nonverbal communication of prospective jurors as a jury consultant. And that's why he's not afraid to call someone on a lie on his program! He's reading their body language--their nonverbal communication! And Dr. Phil knows he's right because your body language says so much more than you ever will!

Verbal, written or even sign language talks to "content." You're just listening to the words and that's it! Nothing else enters the picture. This is probably one of the biggest issues with married people. The wife might say, "You never listen to me." The husband says, "Of course I do!" and continues reading the paper. The wife probably wants to see body language from her husband that says, "I am here for you; you are very important to me; I will always take the time to be here for you." If he's reading the paper, he's not communicating this to her in a way
she can see and understand.

If you're in sales or have any projects where you have to "sell" someone on something, do you know what your body language is saying to the other person? Try selling something to someone without saying a word! You might say it's impossible but it's not. You probably do more selling with nonverbal communication than you do with verbal. Remember that song about "you say so much when you say nothing at all." Well, that singer/writer was right!

Think of a time when you were feeling upset, frustrated, angry and someone came up to you and asked if you were doing OK. You probably said YES but your body language said NO! Which communication do you think they're going to believe? Scientists have proven that whenever there is a conflict between verbal and
nonverbal communication, we tend to put a question mark by the verbal communication and believe the nonverbal communication.You probably don't even think about doing that but that's exactly what you're doing!

Body language has gone underground. In other words, we don't even think about it. We just do it. It has become subconscious behavior to us and when someone points our body language out to us, we seem surprised. When I work with people on body language and point out the different "language" that they are using, they might try to justify their actions if they were sending out defensive signals or congratulate themselves if they were using positive signals. The trick is to know what your body language says about you and what another person's body language says about them. It's the same behavior or actions we tend to react or resist in other people and not even notice in ourselves.

You all have probably experienced stress at one time or another in your life. You might even be experiencing it now as a reaction to this article. Stressed out people have very definite body language. I can spot you a mile away. Other people
can too, they just might not know why they are having a reaction to you (your stress!). Look at people around you (at home or at work). If they're eyebrows are raised, their shoulders scrunched up around their ears, the hand clenched - chances are they're stressed out about something. If you're having a meeting with them and don't recognize their body language then the meeting might get tenser because you might mirror their body language and get stressed out yourself. It's not healthy for you and it creates a lot of tension, turmoil, confrontations, frustrations and disagreements - all because you didn't read and respond to their nonverbal communication. They subconsciously sucked you into their net of stress, worry and upset and THEY GOT YOU!

Now, what about you? Did you know that most Americans hold their stress in the upper part of their body? And because we do, people can read us so easily. Consider the signs I mentioned in the last paragraph. People can "pick" up on us so easily just as we can pick up on them! We like to be in proximity to other
people because we can read them as they can read us! I had a marketing consultant that wanted to become a coach. Her biggest goal was to stop traveling so much and at the same time her biggest challenge was to take up telephone coaching where she wasn't in the presence of her clients. She didn't believe she could figure out what was going on because she couldn't "see"
the other person or in fact, read the other person's body language. Body language is that powerful. Because it's that powerful, everyone should be familiar with it and understand the positive and defensive postures. When you do, you understand what's really going on with the people around you - either at work or in your personal life - because we all, at some time or the other speak in double messages.

It's important to understand double messages, which we hear/see all the time. Why? Because whenever we receive a double message, we tend to put a question mark behind the spoken message and believe the unspoken message. I've said this before and I want to re-emphasize it again! Double messages make us incongruent.  How do adults learn best? When they are in a congruent environment. If you're going to be effective, learn the 2 most
important languages: the spoken and the unspoken word.

(c) 2005, Linda Talley. All rights reserved.

Linda Talley is a Houston-based business coach, speaker and author of Business Finesse: Dealing With Sticky Situations in the Workplace for Managers and The Daily Win-Building Success One Step at a Time. Sign up for her free e-newsletter, ASK THE COACH
by emailing us at linda@lindatalley.com, online at
http://www.lindatalley.com or at 713-668-9659.


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