ADLANDS'   DIGEST
                     A Free subscribed Discussion List
                           of  25,198 subscribers
                     on web marketing and promotion
               supported by AdlandPro World's Classifieds
                       at http://www.adlandpro.com
                        Bogdan Fiedur,  Publisher
                       mailto: Bogdan@softfornet.com
                      Vol. 1 issue #291  May, 22, 2002




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Topics in this issue:

Sponsor Message
Word from Publisher
=====================

C o n t i n u i n g   D i s c u s s i o n s (6)
============================================

1.There is a new SPAMMER in Town
~Rose
~Linda
~Susan Oak
~Maurice
~Isaac Grover
~Mahesh
~Debra Glinsey
~April & Eddie Waters

2.Newsletter services
~Windsong

3.Is there any good way to eliminates spam?
~Isaac Grover
~Susan Oak

4.Give some tips to a new starter please
~Debra Glinsey
~Robert Lee

5.Brainfox
~Robert Lee

6.Yahoo and others... ;o)
~Robert Lee


N e w     P o s t s  (2)
=========================

1.Fabian Brincat
~A VERY DANGEROUS Virus Hoax is spreading like wild fire and causing panic.

2.Adriana Copaceanu
~Need Help with Shared Borders (Front Page)


Site Review Requests   (1)
=========================

1.Cathy Wagner
~ http://www.onestopinternetbusiness.com


Site Review Responses   (4)
=========================

1.Robert Lee
~ http://beam.to/AMillionairemind.com

2.Robert Lee
~ http://wjbizopps.tripod.com/home

3.Robert Lee
~ http://www.email-4-cash.com

4.Robert Lee
~ http://www.nonstophits.net


G u e s t   A r t i c l e    (1)
=========================
1.How Get Targeted Traffic On Overture For Pennies
By John Colanzi

Joke of the Day
=========================

================== Word from publisher ====================

Greetings All

Welcome  190 new subscribers who joined list since last mailing.


                                  ----===(*)===-----

My cry in previous issue regarding spam didn't find a lot of  response.
This tells me that most readers are just finding their way through the
clutter of daily dose of spam, and move on with their everyday tasks.

Believe me I do the same. I'm just getting relay disgusted and worried
by recent wave of  porno and other junk in my mailbox.

Take into account that only small portion of world is using email today.
Even if this might seem like we get a lot of junk, all developing countries
or even some other ones where you have to pay for phone connection,
and higher fees for internet access, are still limited in doing business
on the internet.

I'm just afraid that once everybody starts using email the way it
is used now by small portion of world population, we will lose
email as effective communication medium.

My observations are supported by the fact that even this newsletter
has less participation today with 25,000 subscribers than it had
two years ago with only 2,000.

I would like to be wrong with my predictions but I think that if there
won't be any proper way of limiting the spam, there will be organizations
which will either cause us more headaches with fighting the spam or
government will take control over this and only those who will
be able to afford it , will use it. (Would you like to pay taxes from using
email or pay custom fee when email arrives from abroad.?)


B.F.


                                  ----===(*)===-----




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===========C o n t i n u i n g D i s c u s s i o n (1.1)=============
From:Rose
Subject:There is a new SPAMMER in Town

This is for Anita, who needs a way to protect herself from automatic downloads.
 I use Norton System Works and have, knock on wood, successfully blocked any and
all infected email and onsite viruses. I highly recommend this program. It is
great.


Rose


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comments  mailto:adland@softfornet.com


===========C o n t i n u i n g D i s c u s s i o n (1.2)=============
From:Linda
Subject:There is a new SPAMMER in Town

Hi to all at adlandpro. I am a new affiliate with you, and just received the
newsletter. I was reading thru it and seen the Comment from Anita on the
Subject: There's A New Spammer in Town.  I had the very same thing happen to
me almost a month ago. I have recently acquired my own domain, and have an
online catalog, and was just beginning to receive emails and traffic to my
site from the search engines, when I received an email with an attachment
that had the subject of one of the items in inventory, and came from my info
email address from my domain. So naturally I thought that I had received an
email from a customer requesting more info on the item, and ( as I had never
had a problem with such a thing as a computer virus, worm, or trojan before
) I opened the attachment but could not read it with any program I had. I
then replied to the sender, and requested that they try again to send me
what ever it was that they were needing info on again, but with an
attachment I could view thru wordpad, or similar program. By that evening I
began to get these undeliverable returns to my inbox, and I noticed that I
had not sent any email to those addresses. I started to get some concerned.
By night time I received an email that was returned, but this one had a note
in it that the email I sent ( of course I didn't send it, I didn't even Know
the person! ) had the w32klez virus detected in it! Well I immediately, shut
down my outlook express and called my internet service provider to see what
I should do. I mean here I am getting returned emails from addresses that I
never sent to people, and one has been detected with a virus.  I sure didn't
want to be linked to spamming, or sending email attachments with  viruses in
them.  My internet service provider instructed me to close outlook express,
( I had already done that ) and stay offline till I got the virus off my
computer. They referred me to the Norton Anti Virus Company. I called Norton
the next day, explained the situation to them, and they sent me to their
Symantec website: Symantec.com to have a free scan of my computer and get
the downloaded program needed to clean my system of any virus the scan
detected. I did this. I had three types of virus, all ( I think ) linked to
the main w32klez virus, plus a trojan that the scan detected. I followed
step by step instructions, did the downloads of the virus removal programs
required to clean my system.  Then I went out and purchased the Norton Anti
Virus Software for my computer. Installed the program, did another scan,
made sure my system was clean, including the outlook express inbox. ( I had
already deleted many many addresses, and temp files one by one from my
system before purchasing the Norton Software) just to take extra measures.
It took me well over a week to go thru my ( 60,000 +) files, and get ready
for my Norton Software installation.  Lesson Learned The Hard Way!  I had
never thought that I would receive any such email. I have been online for
over 6 years, downloaded free program files, opened many, many email
attachments, and never before had a problem like this! I had read about
things like that wiping a hard drive out, causing files to be lost, and
numerous other things related to email from people you have never requested
email from. Good advice from my internet service provider: Never, ever, open
an email attachment from someone you are not expecting to receive it from!
Better Advice: Get a Anti Virus Software For your computer's protection now,
before it happens to you as it did to me, Anita, and I assume thousands of
others!  Now with the Norton Software installed, all my e-mail's are scanned
coming into my outlook express and all my e-mails sent out are scanned.  A
final note: After I had done the labor of cleaning the system, installing
Norton's Software, and re-opened my Outlook Express, I had several e-mails
that came into my email as soon as it checked for email. Norton picked it up
immediately and kept it from going into my inbox, alerting me of the virus,
and asking my permission to quarantine the email.  I don't worry about
opening an email attachment now.  Safest thing I can advise anyone to do is
to buy their choice of an Anti Virus Software Program.  It could have been
much more than the eight files I had infected, it could have gotten into my
hard drive and there would have been my computer, and hours upon hours of
work, as well as the money invested in my system and software programs.  I
know this is considerably lone, but I wanted to comment on Anita's problem,
as there is a way to stop such a thing as this from happening.
Thanks for listening.
Linda

P.S. I like the first newsletter forum, I received. It was very informative!


comments  mailto:adland@softfornet.com


===========C o n t i n u i n g D i s c u s s i o n (1.3)=============
From:Susan Oak
Subject:There is a new SPAMMER in Town

Hi Bogdan,
Its 'smarty pants' here (Susan oak) just read your article in this week's
ezine. Here is an article sent to one of the other ezines I subscribe to and
gives
us the flip side of the coin what do you think?

I live in the UK so what's happened to the American individual's right to
free speech. ... "I may not agree with what you say but I'll die for your
right to say it "...?
There will always be those who abuse everything, how many times have most of
us witnessed the occasion when the parks plant new trees and bushes and the
vandals uproot and destroy them within days. We don't all scream close the
park do we?
Same with spam in time it will sort itself out, and I agree with most of what
you are saying. Just last week someone sent me such explicit filth (all the
more disquieting) because it was targeting pubescent children I deleted
without opening it. Just gives you an idea what the title was! Anyway here's
the article.
=============================================================
Rep. Lamar Smith of Texas introduced the "Cyber Security
Enhancement Act of 2001" on 12/13/2002 and it has just
passed out of committee on May 8, 2002 and should go
to the House for a full floor vote soon.

This is significant to all of us as it calls for allowing your
friendly ISP, Internet Service Provider, to monitor and
report and suspicious online activity to law enforcement
officials.

You can view the full text of this proposed House of
Representatives Bill HR. 3482 by visiting at:
http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/bdquery/z?d107:h.r.03482:

So much for our online privacy.

     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *  *     *     *
sincerely
Susan oak


comments  mailto:adland@softfornet.com


===========C o n t i n u i n g D i s c u s i o n (1.4)=============
From:Maurice
Subject:There is a new SPAMMER in Town

Hi Bogdan.

In reply to Anita's problem re-Spammers and virus's, I have written an
Article in my ezine on this problem with O/E and the snippet which follows
will at least solve half the problem for her and others using O/E for
receiving mail.

Kind regards Maurice(UK)
********************

   (Simply Go to your address book, then to 'add contact' and type in
'1000!000' for name, then in address type in 'WormAlert@.com' or something
    like it, this then goes as the first entry in your address book.

  The incoming virus starts at the top of your address book, and it is
 immediately bounced back to the sender as a mailer default. Voila your
                       address book is protected.

But there isn't really any substitute for a Virus checker, and there are
 many good ones knocking about. I use Norton and make sure that I update
                      every week. You do the same.)

Maurice(UK)

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MPTezine 2002
Join here
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===========C o n t i n u i n g D i s c u s s i o n (1.5)=============
From:Isaac Grover
Subject:There is a new SPAMMER in Town

In my opinion, completely changing operating systems is the most extreme
method of dealing with email attachments, short of not using email ever again.

While Outlook has its security flaws, most of those simply arise from the
default configuration.  Email attachments will *always* be downloaded, but
Outlook can be configured to not automatically open emails, which would cut
down on some of the problem.

My solution is to buy a copy of QualComm's Eudora from
www.eudora.com.  It's a more powerful email client, and has actually been
around longer than Outlook, so there has been more time to work out
security bugs.  Not only that, but it doesn't rely on Internet Explorer
(the source of many security flaws) to read email, unless it is configured
to do so.  And as a power user, I highly recommend Eudora.  I've been using
it for over four years.  =)

Isaac Grover

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===========C o n t i n u i n g D i s c u s s i o n (1.6)=============
From:Mahesh
Subject:There is a new SPAMMER in Town

Hi:

I had the similar problem. I was getting lots of email with that virus  w32klez.

BUT, I don't use OUTLOOK, I use PEGASUS (many years) and Norton
antivirus program.

Norton checked my all my incoming email and warned me about it. First few
times I manually killed it/deleted the file. BUT then I configured it to
automatically delete these files. SO NOW I still get those emails but have no
files. I also can see what NORTON did to which emails.

In PEGASUS to open an attachment you MUST do it, PEGASUS does not
open it.
And best of all it is free.

I hope this helps.

Mahesh

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===========C o n t i n u i n g D i s c u s s i o n (1.7)=============
From:Debra Glinsey
Subject:There is a new SPAMMER in Town

I use a software program that is helping very much with spammers and it is
called Mailerwasher http://www.mailwasher.net/

Debra Glinsey

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http://www.sunbeltcoffee.net
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===========C o n t i n u i n g D i s c u s s i o n (1.8)=============
From:April & Eddie Waters
Subject:There is a new SPAMMER in Town

Hi Bogdan,

     I am just so sick of being afraid to open my email because
of these viruses running wild. Files with worms being
downloaded automatically are some of the worst since you do not
even have to open an attachment to get it.

     Well I have started using an email service that will work
well with your private email (friends and family) I am not sure
how well it will work as a business address. They do not allow
spam email through such as Yahoo Groups,etc. At least if you
use it to send email to friends and family you won't infect
them.

     The very BEST thing about it is this...If your email has a
virus in it anywhere it will not let it into your mailbox. It
will send you a message that "so and so" sent you an email with
a virus (and they will name the virus) and that they have sent
the message back with a warning about it.

     It also tells you on the sign in page how many viruses and
spam it has blocked in however many hours or days from all the
users. Sometimes in a matter of a few (3) days it has blocked
10,000+ viruses.

     The name of this email is MyRealBox, it is free and has
NO..I repeat NO ads or pop up ads (at this time anyway.) Just
go to http://www.myrealbox.com  for more info. They do not
advertise, and do not have any affiliate program so please
understand I am not making anything off of this I just want
your readers to know it is there.


     I do not know how much this will help your readers but it
is worth a look at it for some I am sure.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
ValuDealz-We sell at WHOLESALE price to EveryOne!
                     April Waters/Owner
                  http://www.ValuDealz.com
--------------------------------------------------------------------

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===========C o n t i n u i n g D i s c u s s i o n (2.1)=============
From:Windsong
Subject:Newsletter services

Blair Massey wrote,

>What do you think about newsletter services as a way to generate traffic to
>one's site?  I have put a link on my site for my visitors to join my monthly
>newsletter.  The service has not put me in their directory yet so the
>newsletter has not generated much traffic from their site.  I do think it is
>a good  way to build a loyal audience for when I launch my new book.
>What else should I do with this newsletter.


Blair:

There is much you should be doing to promote your ezine. There are ezine
announcements you could post to and ezine directories you should get
listed in. Create a page on your site just for your ezine. Get it listed
in the major search engines. This is just for starters. I have tons of
URL's for ezine promotion. Just let me know and I will send them to you.
Peace,

Windsong


comments  mailto:adland@softfornet.com


===========C o n t i n u i n g D i s c u s s i o n (3.1)=============
From:Isaac Grover
Subject:Is there any good way to eliminates spam?

Moderator wrote.

>Are we going to be put out of business because email which was invented
>to communicate in an efficient way, will become favourite communication
>tool for criminals and thieves?  I don't even want to touch the topic
>of  viruses sent through the email.
>
>Anybody has an answers?

My two suggestions:

At the bottom of most spams are "remove" links.  Some are actual web links,
and a few are email addresses.  A few of the web links will be valid, some
will be an opt-out link for a different mailing list, and a good number of
them will be "address collectors" which will be used to fuel more
spam.  Also, a few of the emails will be valid, some will be "address
collectors", but most will be invalid.  What's the bottom line?  Don't
waste your time trying to remove yourself from any of them because you
don't know which ones are real.  =(

My other suggestion is to set up a filter in your email client so that if
your email address doesn't show up in the "To:" field or the "Cc:" field,
move it to a folder where you can check it later.  This will catch a good
percentage of spam, since many of the spammers use "Bcc:" to mail their
victims.  But for the same reason you don't want to send all these messages
straight to Trash because several of my family members (and you may have
the same situation) use Bcc: to forward their jokes and cute pictures
(which I usually delete anyway <grin>).

Hope that helps!

Isaac Grover

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You don't have enough of the Other.
We'll show you how you can have both.
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===========C o n t i n u i n g D i s c u s s i o n (3.2)=============
From:Susan oak
Subject:Is there any good way to eliminates spam?

Hi,

You asked for feedback to the latest edition of the ezine so here goes.
I was going to quote from my daily newspaper an article about spam and Hotmail
aka Microsoft but because of copyright and penalties of plagiarism I would just
suggest that you might like to obtain a copy of the Daily Mirror May 20, 2002
page 37 and see the article entitled You've Been Hotmailed. There it explains
about the growing menace of spam!

Yours sincerely.


Susan Oak

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===========C o n t i n u i n g D i s c u s s i o n (4.1)=============
From:Debra Glinsey
Subject:Give some tips to a new starter please

Stuart wrote,

>I have just started 2 sites based in the UK- www.aajobs.co.uk and
>www.aahomes.co.uk.  They are both up and ready to go, but I submitted to
>various search engines a while ago, and the pages are notyet available on
>the search engines.  I know it takes time for these guys to get sites
>submitted fully, but in the meantime I have to eat!!

Hi Stuart!

You can also contact

Shannan Hearne-Fortner
President and Wizard
http://www.SuccessPromotions.com
Marketing Your e-Business Better

This is the person that I use and she has done wonders but you will also have
remember that your keyword are what get people to find you, she puts you in the
right places.

Tell her Debra from Sunbelt sent you.  I to do not get anything out of this,
either she is just good at what she does.  If you have any question just let me
know if I can help in anyway.

Debra Glinsey


--------------------------------------------------------------------
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*************************
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http://www.sunbeltcoffee.net
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===========C o n t i n u i n g D i s c u s s i o n (4.2)=============
From:Robert Lee
Subject:Give some tips to a new starter please

RE: I have just started 2 sites based in the UK- www.aajobs.co.uk and
www.aahomes.co.uk.
Any prompts about getting traffic quickly and cheaply would be appreciated.
STUART MATHESON

Hi Stuart,
I have to ask, did you submit to the big main search engines or the local
counterparts. For instance, did you go to Yahoo.com or to http://uk.yahoo.com/?

I think that you'll find the local versions of the big search engines will
spider you quicker than going to the main sites since you have "co.uk"
extension.

Take a look at the list at:
http://www.datingdating.com/b2b/promotion_manual_submission.htm
To find some more local search engines.
As well, you really need to have a links page and start trading links with other
sites. That is a sure way to begin getting traffic without waiting to be listed.
It'll take some time, emailing each website individually, but it will pay off in
the long run.

Best of luck!

Robert Lee


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===========C o n t i n u i n g D i s c u s s i o n (5.1)=============
From:Robert Lee
Subject:Brainfox

Hi Bogdan,

N. Charron jr. of http://cymates.com said that he has advertised on Brainfox.com
for quite a while with no hits. I personally haven't tried this particular
pay-per-click search engine, but I can tell you that if I was spending money on
advertising and I didn't see "immediate hits" from my spending I would cancel my
order and take my $$$ elsewhere.

I have tried most pay-per-click search engines and the only one that has given
me results is GoTo.com (now Overture).
I am very wary of PPC's that have their own affiliate programs and allow for
incentive sites to promote their search engine results.

I had a very bad experience with one such service (Bay9.com) that cost me more
than $200.00 in just a couple of days before I realized that all the traffic I
was receiving, for about 2 cents a visit average, was single page traffic, not
targeted traffic by keyword that I thought I was purchasing and certainly not
the traffic that would continue into my site and purchase anything.

If this is the type of advertising you want to spend your money on, always find
out where they are getting their traffic from.

Always.

Just a word to the wise.
Robert Lee

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===========C o n t i n u i n g D i s c u s s i o n (6.1)=============
From:Robert Lee
Subject:Yahoo and others... ;o)

June T. Arioli says we should advertise at http://www.searchpost.com. I took a
look and didn't like what I saw. First off, they take a $50.00 set-up fee and
add $500.00 to your bidding account. That may seem an attractive offer until you
look at what the prices become for good keywords. A $5.00 bid is a good starting
point for them. Obviously the advertisers are bidding with the free money, and
these types of bids won't be maintained. But they will drain your account
quickly.

Secondly, there is no information about where they get their traffic from, just
a contact email address.
The red lights are flashing brightly. I'd keep my money in my wallet all the
same. Thanks June and good luck!

Robert Lee


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==============N e w P o s t i n g  (1)=============
From:Fabian Brincat
Subject:A VERY DANGEROUS Virus Hoax is spreading like wild fire and causing
panic.



The Hoax makes you delete important files from your system !
Full details can be found here:
http://www.fabian.com.mt/VirusHoaxes/jdbgmgr.exe.html

<a  href="http://www.fabian.com.mt/VirusHoaxes/jdbgmgr.exe.html">AOL
USERS USE THIS LINK</a>

Fabian Brincat

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==============N e w P o s t i n g  (2)=============
From:Adriana Copaceanu
Subject:Need Help with Shared Borders (Front Page)

My website is getting bigger every day, and I am wondering if someone could help
me implement shared borders. I use Front Page 2000 to access and make changes to
my website, and every time I need to add a button for a new category, I need to
go to each page (I have 70 or more as of now) and make the changes manually.
It's too time consuming, and I would love to hear your suggestions about how I
can accomplish this, so that when I need to change something on the navigation
bar, I can change it only once.

And, if it's not too much to ask, I would also like to find out if it's possible
to decrease the size of the blue around the edges, and increase the actual page
(the cream colored part).

The website's address is http://www.abcgiftsandbaskets.com.

Thank you.

Adriana Copaceanu

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=====================Site Review Request  (1)===============
From:Cathy Wagner
Subject: http://www.onestopinternetbusiness.com

Hello,

I need help! I have worked very hard on my site for almost 2 years now. I
have a professional design and I have been told, by people who use it, that
it is an incredible wealth of information along with tons of time and money
saving tips and tricks for every internet marketer.

My problem has been in closing the sale with the vast majority of visitors.
Why?

I am becoming discouraged.

Would you please take a look at it and tell me what you think? What am I
missing? http://www.onestopinternetbusiness.com


Cathy Wagner

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=====================Site Review Response  (1)===============
From:Robert Lee
Subject: http://beam.to/AMillionairemind.com

Hi Ronald,

Your site request for a review, Ronald Webb-founder, is just a cheap ploy to get
us to visit your site. It is an affiliate site that you joined, certainly not a
web site or product you created.

Robert Lee

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=====================Site Review Response  (2)===============
From:Robert Lee
Subject: http://wjbizopps.tripod.com/home

Hi William,

Your site is horrid. You have mixed up cASe lettering, spelling errors and the
text is unordered and of different styles and sizes all too often. You need to
even things out to keep things readable.

You have a one page site that is nothing more than a bad idea put together that
not only has wasted your time as you developed this page but has wasted the time
of people that you want to visit it and sell to. You need more than a page of
affiliate links to make any money with. And you need content to draw traffic,
not just hype, although obviously the hype worked on you. (Actually, you do have
3 pages in this site, why you wasted the effort is beyond me).

And what's with the shopping cart? UGH!

If you plan on making a living on the internet, buy a domain name, at least the
US$8.95 you spend will give you a little bit of credibility. not some loser
tripod member site... Geesh, why even waste your time??

William, good luck with your "bizopps" -- you'll need it.

Robert Lee


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=====================Site Review Response  (3)===============
From:Robert Lee
Subject: http://www.email-4-cash.com

Tina, what exactly did you want a review of? The design is of the modern
"affiliate era - click here to make money" of unknown earnings potential with a
possibly pyramid-style scheme MLM program as it's basis.

You have no content and a bunch of links that encourage a signup to a very
dubious program (or two?)
I read through the HELP page at:
http://www.email-4-cash.com/cgi-bin/page.cgi?p=help&r=aplus-search@aplus-search.
com
And have confirmed my suspicions.
Good luck and remember to shred any records. You don't want to be the start
witness against yourself in your upcoming trial.

Robert Lee


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=====================Site Review Response  (4)===============
From:Robert Lee
Subject: http://www.nonstophits.net

I have been reading some of the reviews of other sites and I like what I am
hearing.  Please check out my site and let me know what I can do to make it
better and easier for the user.

I welcome all suggestions.
Thank you, Jeff

Hi Jeff,
You need to add more affiliate banners and increase the amount of gibberish text
you have on your pages.

That way I am sure that the traffic you get will find exactly what I found
"nothing useful". Just with more text and banners it'll be more readily apparent
even to the newest newbie that wants to make a buck online.

Your site concentrates on "Free Advertising" - but you forget to tell anyone
about possible products they may want to advertise. oh, sorry, that's what your
banners were for.

My mistake.

Thanks for taking up that 3 minutes of my time.
Robert Lee



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=====================G u e s t   A r t i c l e   (1)===============
How Get Targeted Traffic On Overture For Pennies
By John Colanzi


I'm always looking for more ways to get targeted traffic
from my articles. I decided to give pay per click search
engines a try.

The best place to start was Overture. The only problem
with Overture is the high price for many of their search
terms.

I knew I couldn't afford the $3 or more for some of the
keywords. That just wouldn't be cost effective.

I ran a search for the keyword Free Content. It turned
out Free Content was the most searched for term in that
category.

I next ran a search for the top bids. It turned out I
could get listed in the top 4 for $.07.

I placed my bid and waited for approval.

I didn't expect very much for $.07, but who knows.

After two weeks of the test I've already had over 50
targeted hits.

I'm sure you're thinking what good is 25 hits a week?

Well think about it, I can add more keywords. $.07 is
for the most searched term and is the highest priced.

For under $.07 per visitors, I can drive targeted
traffic to my site, each and every week.

Even if only a percentage of the visitors add my
articles to their web sites, my links will multiply for
peanuts.

So how can you take advantage of this?

Set aside a portion of your site for your articles. If
you don't have any articles yet, take some of those
free reports floating around the web.

This is an extremely low cost method of drawing traffic
to your web site.

Wishing You Success,
John Colanzi

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=====================Joke of the Day   (1)===============

Provided by  Frank Kaiser

HEAVENLY HUMOR

On their way to get married, a young couple are involved in a fatal car
accident. The couple find themselves sitting beside the Pearly Gates asking
St. Peter if they could get married in Heaven.

 This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he
leaves.

The couple sat and waited for an answer ....... for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married
in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all.
"What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat
bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't
work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest
up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer.


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