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The Do-It-Yourself Sales Letter
Makeover
© 2003
by Marcia Yudkin
For years, my most popular business service has been
taking sales letters that aren't getting results and
remaking them so that inquiries and orders pour in. At the
risk of starving this cash cow, I'm going to reveal the
mental checklist I use that accounts for a high percentage
of the improvements I introduce. Ask this set of questions
about your sales letter before you finalize it, and you'll
be able to swell a trickle of response into a steady stream
of profit.
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1. Do you let the reader
know in the first paragraph why you're writing, and provide
a reason to read on? Your recipient digs into the letter
with the question, "What's in this for me?" An
opening like "We are pleased to announce," for
instance, usually provokes a "So What?" Instead,
put yourself in the shoes of your reader, formulate your
main point from that perspective and try leading off with
it:
"Until September 22, 1998 you have the chance to become
one of only 2,346 people in the universe to own mineral-rich
real estate on Asteroid A-17."
You can also satisfy this imperative with a
provocative, topic-specific headline in big type above the
date and salutation of the letter. For instance, I once
headed a three-page letter about a publicity consulting
program,
"Finally, Fame and Fortune are Within Your
Reach!"
2. Do you provide a clear and
compelling offer, or a specific action that you are asking
the reader to take? An offer means something like, "For
only $29.95 you can have unlimited use of our health club
for one month, along with a one-hour private session with
one of our certified fitness trainers." At the very
least, explicitly tell readers what action you would like
them to take now, such as "Please return the enclosed
prepaid postcard to let us know about your future
landscaping needs."
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3. Do you explicitly
describe the strong points of your offering? I found this
copy in a car dealer's letter weak and vague: "Check
our prices. They're probably better than you think. We
guarantee they're competitive." I recommended changing
that to "We'll match any competitor's price for an oil
and filter change for your car." In my first look at a
sales letter, I usually circle murky words and phrases all
over the place and write, "What do you mean by
this?" "And by this?" "And this?"
Replace each generic, wishy-washy expression with more
precise wording.
4. Have you taken into account
the fact that the reader may be receiving many competing
offers and enumerated the principal advantages of your
product or service? When a business-opportunity dealer
wrote, "I learned the pitfalls of mail order the hard
way. I bought many, many worthless
programs," I urged him to reveal the dollar amount he'd
wasted before finding the program that enabled him to turn a
profit for the first time, and to elaborate on what made
those programs worthless. Use this formula if you have
difficulty putting your advantages into words: "Unlike
other
XXXs, we..." For instance, "Unlike larger law
firms, at BB&G you deal consistently with the partners,
knowledgeable experts who always return phone calls within
48 hours."
5. Have you addressed and
disarmed the most common fear, misgiving or concern
prospects might have about buying from you? There's always a
natural uncertainty about buying from a stranger. Guarantees
help, as do testimonials from satisfied customers and lists
of large organizations that you've served. These don't
always have to appear in the letter itself, as in: "If
this sounds too good to be true, I'll happily supply you
with the names and telephone numbers of dealers in your
state who have secured their future with our plan."
6. Do you use a "P.S."
to provide a compelling reason for the reader to act now?
Studies show that a postscript gets read more often than any
other portion of a letter. Word your "P.S." so
that it makes sense if it's read first, and include an
incentive for acting fast, as in, "Remember, we have
only thirty-one of these slightly damaged, fully functional
metronomes left at 80 percent off, so place your order
today!"
For additional do's and don'ts, collect and study especially
impressive or awful letters that come in your mail. My
"sample sales letter" file measures almost three
inches thick!
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Marcia Yudkin <marcia@yudkin.com>
rewrites Web sites and postal sales letters so that they
generate results. For her manual of before-and-after sales
letter makeovers, "Turn Any Sales Letter Into an
Irresistible Concoction," see
http://www.yudkin.com/scourse.htm
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